Lake Placid vs Anaconda (Netflix Review)

Image result for Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

15 – 88mins – 2015


 

CROC OF SHIT

“They’re monsters is what they are!”

In the late nineties they were two colossi of the creature feature sub-genre. With father/daughter heavyweights Jon Voight and Angelina Jolie hunting for the legendary giant Anaconda in the theatrical rainforest of 1997 and Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda battling the original 30-foot reptile in 1999’s Lake Placid, these two initially legitimate monster movie franchises have, with each successive (and cheaper) DTV sequel, fallen ever fouler of the modern trend for Roger Corman-esque Z-movies. Thanks, Sharknado!

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Kung Fu Panda 3 (DVD Review)

PG – 91mins – 2016


 

WINGS OF… HILARITY!

“Sometimes we do the wrong things for the right reasons.”

After three seasons of Nickelodeon’s Legends of Awesomeness spin-off series, an extended production schedule and the inclusion of a supernatural element into this computer animated martial arts adventure, I was dubious that this third theatrical chapter in the furry-ous fighting franchise might be stretching the concept one step too far – especially with the reveal that the title was the down-right lazy Kung Fu Panda 3. Original(!)

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Jason and the Argonauts (DVD Review)

U – 101mins – 1963


 

ZEUS-TROPOLIS

Presented in dazzling technicolour so rich even the shadows are blue, this mythological stop-motion extravaganza is a feast for the eyes and the imagination, even if Ray Harryhausen’s once ground-breaking claymation effects work has dated somewhat in the intervening 53 years.

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The Divergent Series: Allegiant (DVD Review)

12 – 103mins – 2016


 

PRIOR KNOWLEDGE REQUIRED

“You saved a city. Help me save the world.”

With Erudite leader Jeanine (Kate Steve Jobs Winslet) killed at the close of last year’s first sequel, Insurgent, and Evelyn’s (Naomi Watts) soldiers increasing hostility within Chicago’s perimeter, Tris Prior (Shailene Woodley), Four (Theo James), Caleb (Ansel Elgort), Christina (Zoë Kravitz), Tori (Maggie Q) and the smug side-swapper Peter (Miles Teller) ascend the great wall and escape into the unknown beyond.

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Finding Dory (Cinema Review)

U – 103mins – 2016 – 3D


 

THE JEWEL OF MORRO BAY

Seven years after a Pixar-less sequel was planned by Disney/Circle 7 and scuppered before production began, original Finding Nemo writer and director, Andrew Stanton and co-scribe Victoria Strouse started work on an official sea-quel to his beloved Oscar winning search and rescue adventure in 2013.

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David Brent: Life on the Road (Cinema Review)

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15 – 96mins – 2016


 

THIS IS SPINAL CRAP

As the Twitter hashtag has long been promising, #BrentsBack, but he’s no longer the boss. 15 years after his five minutes of docu-soap fame on the BBC’s award-winning reality TV mockumentary The Office, everyone’s favourite “chilled out entertainer” lets the cameras back in for a feature length ‘After Wernham Hogg’ follow-up.

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Michael Jackson – Auckland 1996 (Album Review)

Label: Zip City

Release date: 10th June 2016


 

HIS UNMASTERED VOICE

Testament to my unhealthily compulsive buy-first-regret-later obsession with anything Michael Jackson is this blatantly unauthorised (yet widely available, even making onto the “HMV Recommends” display in my local branch!) TV rip of the New Zealand Broadcast from 11th November 1996 of the King of Pop’s Ericsson Arena, Auckland stop on his mammoth HIStory World Tour.

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