The Haunting of Whaley House (DVD Review)

Image result for the haunting of whaley house 2012

18 – 89mins – 2012


 

BEHIND THE VEIL

“What a stupid way to spend a Saturday night!”

Exemplary of my desire to go daaaaark in my film choices in the run-up to Halloween, the other night I choose to watch this bargain basement five-year-old haunted house horror from independent schlock masters The Asylum (Sharknado, Transmorphers, Atlantic Rim – need I say more?!) over well-received recent Jessica Chastain political thriller Miss Sloane. Either I was possessed or simply glutton for punishment!

Purportedly based on true events, this after-hours private hour around “America’s most haunted dwelling” (as bestowed by LIFE Magazine) frequently falls foul of the usual trappings of low budget fare: offensively bad acting from a couple of the unknown cast and passable-if-unremarkable computer-aided FX work. But, despite some cringey OTT dialogue (“You’ll hear things that’ll turn your asshole white!”) and some depressingly gratuitous nudity from a cameoing model (“Hot chick, big tits!”), Whaley House is far from the most turgid of The Asylum’s often dubious output.

“Damn ghosts can suck my dick!”

The Haunting At Whaley House [DVD]There’s some stomach-churning gore, some goosebump-rising jump scares, a decent possession scene (“Jessica is asleep…”), a ghoulishly inhuman big bad long-teased in off-kilter silhouette (“Died bad, stayed bad,”) and TWO references to MJ’s “Thriller.” Provided you can drown out some atrocious time-filling banter about nipples (seriously!) and you aren’t expecting a revolutionary masterpiece, Whaley House is a tolerably spooky seasonal offering, with a decently downbeat sting in its tail.

CR@B’s Claw Score: 2 stars

Advertisements

One thought on “The Haunting of Whaley House (DVD Review)

  1. Pingback: Ouija: Origin of Evil (Blu-ray Review) | The CR@Bpendium

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s