18 – 87mins – 1985
THE DEADLY DINOSAUR
“Something is trying to get inside my body…”
Set five years after the original Nightmare (reviewed HERE), quickly-produced sequel Freddy’s Revenge sees high schooler Jesse Walsh (Mark Patton) and his family move onto Elm Street – and into the former home of dream-stalked survivor Nancy Thompson. Upon reading Nancy’s left-behind diary, Jesse is bedevilled with horrific night terrors and uncharacteristically violent outbursts. From beyond the grave, Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) needs a host body to carry out his revenge against the community’s youth.
… Keep Scuttling!
All 10 episodes streaming from: Friday 23rd June 2017
Created by: Liz Flahive and Carly Mensch
Executive producers: Liz Flahive, Carly Mensch, Jenji Kohan and Tara Herrmann
“Is this real?”
“Who the fuck cares?”
Community cutie Alison Brie headlines this fictionalised account of the 1985 formation of the syndicated female wrestling promotion, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (or G.L.O.W. for short), which was highly publicised as being from the creator of Orange is the New Black. While Jenji Kohan does have an executive producer credit, GLOW’s creator duo – Liz Flahive and Carly Mensch – also have previous industry experience as writers of high profile US shows such as Weeds, Homeland and Nurse Jackie.
… Keep Scuttling!
18 – 89mins – 1985
“This is not a picnic!”
A team of teenage Rambo-wannabe war game champions, their girlfriends and Kelli Maroney (Night of the Comet) happen upon a lived-in but deserted farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and spontaneously decide to squat in the vacant space to spur on their sexy post-paintball celebrations, scarcely sparing a second thought for the absent owners, who are more than a little hacked off when they return…
“It’s not a game anymore!”
While the often snowy image on this recent Arrow Video 30th Anniversary remaster does almost as bad a job of disguising the age of the film print as the horrendous hairstyles, short shorts and cringeworthy political incorrectness (“faggots,” “raping Mother Nature,” “I’m crippled!”), cult director Nico Hired to Kill Mastorakis’ trashy action-horror is such a product of its time that the wear and tear (even on crisp blu-ray) actually aids the retro charm. If, indeed, you can label a film with torture and slaughter charming!
While the puffed up blurb on the back lauds The Zero Boys as “genre-bending”, I would go even further in christening it a treasure trove of trusty terror tropes. From yokel maniac stalkers chiefly shot in smoke-shrouded silhouette, to storm-stranded survivalists separated and strung up by their own stupidity, Mastorakis mashs it all into a relentless multitudinous scream-fest.
If The Evil Dead, Red Dawn and Last House on the Left were to have a threesome, this would be the ungainly bastard hybrid offspring. There is Zero originality or subtly in these Boys‘ stumbling struggle for survival against sadistic slashers, nevertheless, with its cocksure and outright ballsy 80’s attitude and smorgasboard of excess exploitation, this is still a riotous retro watch perfect for a Friday night beer and pizza marathon – laughable shoelace-scuppering silliness, dire-logue and all!
CR@B’s Claw Score: