Lost in Paris (Blu-ray Review)

Lost In Paris

LADIES AND THE TRAMP

My latest film review was published over on the 60 Minutes With website this past weekend, looking at the recent Arrow Academy Blu-ray release of French ‘comedy’ Lost in Paris (AKA. Paris pieds nus) from husband and wife burlesque duo Abel and Gordon.

Click HERE for a direct link to my critical analysis – emphasis on the critical!

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Personal Shopper (Netflix Review)

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15 – 107mins – 2016


 

DESIRE FOR THE FORBIDDEN

Renowned by fans and detractors alike for her tight jaw and sullen gaze, former Twilight megastar and blossoming indie darling Kristen Equals Stewart is perfectly cast here as glum American spiritualist Maureen Cartwright. Moonlighting as a personal shopper for high-profile French fashionista Kyra (Nora von Waldstätten) while she stays in Paris, Maureen is mourning the recent death of her twin brother, who she shares a heart malformation with.

… Keep Scuttling!

Bad Santa 2 (DVD Review)

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15 – 88mins – 2016


 

WELCOME TO THE SHIT SHOW

“Happy endings are bullshit!”

Fourteen years after embittered black comedy Bad Santa became something of a cult hit for seasonal scrooges, stars Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox and Brett Kelly return for another lewd, crude Christmas caper. Alas, lightening did not strike twice, and this belated and bedraggled festive follow-up is as unapologetically egregious as the Farley Brother’s down-right disgusting and offensive Dumb and Dumber To.

… Keep Scuttling!

Ouija: Origin of Evil (Blu-ray Review)

15 – 99mins – 2016


 

THE MYSTIFYING ORACLE

“This game was designed to make us scare ourselves.”

My questionable foray into Whaley House aside, my film viewing in the run-up to Halloween largely consisted of rewatching recent blu-rays I have bought (The Boy, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, The Witch) and first time viewings of genre classics I really should have seen sooner (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Child’s Play, Critters). So, on All Hallows’ Eve, I reserved a recent release I had long anticipated… what a fool I was!

… Keep Scuttling!

The Darkness (DVD Review)

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15 – 99mins – 2017


 

THOSE OF DEATH’S DOMAIN

“Sometimes the answer you are looking for is going to come from some place you’re not looking…”

Unbeknownst to his less-than-happy family, autistic young teen Mikey (David Incarnate Mazouz) brings home five mystic stones from a camping trip to the Grand Canyon; each stone represents a guardian of the ancient Anasazi Indians’ spirit world. No-one raises an eyebrow when Mikey begins talking to an invisible friend (“Jenny did it!”), but when strange noises can be heard, taps begin turning themselves on and a fire is inexplicably started, the Taylor family begin to suspect supernatural forces are invading their home.

… Keep Scuttling!

Rupture (Blu-ray Review)

15 – 102mins – 2016


 

PETRIFIED PAST DEATH

“We’ve been waiting for you for a long, long time and finally we have you…”

Arachnophobic single mother Renee (Noomi Unlocked Rapace) is kidnapped by a mysterious organisation and subjected to a string of chemical and psychological tests in an effort to rupture her genetic code and transform her into something more than human in this slow-drip sci-fi-hued thriller from Secretary director Steven Shainberg.

… Keep Scuttling!

Kindergarten Cop 2 (DVD Review)

12 – 96mins – 2016


 

CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE

“Let’s put the mac and cheese back on the stove and get this playdate started!”

KC2 is a most curious thing. Watched in isolation away from the early 90s Arnold Schwarzenegger classic it follows on from, it is a perfectly competent, if lightweight, action-comedy which once again trades on the dichotomy between a hulking, stone-faced FBI agent (step up Dolph Lundgren) and a gaggle of hyperactive, allergy-aware, accident prone pre-schoolers.

… Keep Scuttling!