Paddington 2 (Cinema Review)

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PG – 103mins – 2017


 

PADDINGTON DOES PORRIDGE

With so many childhood favourites from yesteryear being made (and remade in the case of The BFG and Pete’s Dragon) for the big screen, it is easy to look on these twenty-first century interpretations with caution. Be they originally books, films or TV shows, to fans of the beloved originals, a glitzy, modern angle could be deemed… improper. However, 2014’s Paddington – which saw Michael Bond’s marmalade-loving bear cub move from the jungles of Peru into the Brown family’s London residence – proved that new doesn’t always equal inferior.

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The LEGO Ninjago Movie (Cinema Review)

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U – 101mins – 2017 – 3D


 

THE QUEST FOR PIECE

With 2014’s Lord and Miller-scribed The Lego Movie proving to be a chuckle-stuffed block-buster, a whole universe of brick-based CG-animated feature film spin-offs were commissioned, with this modern-day karate-themed yarn following hot on the heels of February’s Batman solo adventure (which I reviewed HERE).

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STAR TREK: DISCOVERY, 1.4 – “The Butcher’s Knife Cares Not for the Lamb’s Cry” (Netflix Review)

Streaming on UK Netflix from: Monday 8th October 2017

Series created by: Bryan Fuller and Alex Kurtzman

Written by: Jesse Alexander and Aron Eli Coleite

Directed by: Olatunde Osunsanmi


 

UNIQUELY INTERESTING

“Let’s send our Klingon friends a message they won’t forget.”

Settling into its new post-‘second pilot’ direction, episode 1.4 of Star Trek: Discovery gave me the distinct impression that it was panicked about how grand, impressive and memorable it was, and frequently felt the need to throw everything at the audience in a shallow attempt to impress. While it’s by no means a complete shipwreck, “The Butcher’s Knife…” is both the busiest and my least favourite of the new series thus far.

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Death Note (Netflix Review)

15 – 100mins – 2017


 

LIGHT-MARE SCENARIO

“I have a Death God.”

Following his Hollywood breakthrough with 2011’s superb horror hit You’re Next, young auteur Adam Wingard established himself as a compelling new voice of the grisly genre. His credentials were further strengthened as a proponent of anthology pieces such as V/H/S (although he had no hand in the god-awful threequel, reviewed HERE) and The ABCs of Death, while 2014’s The Guest showed there was more to his talent than merely scarlet sauce, shrieks and scares.

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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD Review)

15 – 102mins – 2017


 

WELCOME HOME

“Sometimes I feel like this has been my whole life.”

In no immediate rush to devour this Capcom-inspired blockbuster videogame spin-off, I set out to re-watch all five of the preceding chapters in the sci-fi-action-horror film series before closing out the 15-year story with this final chunk of the corpse. I got as far as the third film before my rental copy of The Final Chapter was due back, so to save myself a fine I had to skip ahead. I shouldn’t have worried, however, as Paul W.S. Anderson’s passion project opened with a lengthy comprehensive saga recap, commentated by zombie-slaughtering mainstay Alice (Milla Jovovich).

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Despicable Me 3 (Cinema Review)

U – 90mins – 2017 – 3D


 

GRU GONE GOOD

Happily married to Lucy (Kristen Ghostbusters Wiig) and living a respectable life as a father to his three adopted girls, former supervillain Gru (Steve Carell) is now a top agent for the Anti-Villain League. But when new blood takes over the AVL, Gru and Lucy find themselves thrown to the curb for failing to apprehend former child-star-turned-jewel-thief Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker). Will reuniting with his long-lost twin brother, Dru (also Carell), see Gru back on a path to heroism, or will Dru coerce him to return to his shady past?

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Transformers: The Last Knight (Cinema Review)

12A – 149mins – 2017 – 3D


 

PIECE OF SCRAP

I know it’s lazy to deride Michael Bay’s bloated brigade of big ‘bot battle blockbusters, but boy is this fifth Transformers film a rotten piece of shit! I realise that isn’t a very erudite (or polite) way to kickstart a review, but I’m not editing it for two reasons: Firstly, multi-millionaire Bay, producers Paramount and Hasbro Studios won’t care what The CR@Bpendium thinks of their gallizion dollar expanded-universe franchise – people will still turn out in droves. Secondly, given the amount of bad language that litters this light-hearted adapted-from-toys summer sequel, apparently kids are down with the swearz these days, too?! So the shit stays where it is.

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