The LEGO Ninjago Movie (Cinema Review)

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U – 101mins – 2017 – 3D


 

THE QUEST FOR PIECE

With 2014’s Lord and Miller-scribed The Lego Movie proving to be a chuckle-stuffed block-buster, a whole universe of brick-based CG-animated feature film spin-offs were commissioned, with this modern-day karate-themed yarn following hot on the heels of February’s Batman solo adventure (which I reviewed HERE).

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Blade Runner 2049 (Cinema Review)

15 – 163mins – 2017 – 3D


 

TINPLATE SOLDIER

At the risk of irreparably damaging my geek credentials, I have a confession to make: I don’t really like Blade Runner. I’m sorry. I have tried, trust me, I even own a DVD copy of the 1992 Director’s Cut of Ridley Scott’s cult neo-noir classic set in a futuristic Los Angeles 2019. In recent memory, I have watched it at least three times, but the film draaaags at such an exasperating and dreary pace, and the visuals – for all their atmospheric merit – are marred by dystopian grime. The whole experience feels dirty and dated and it has never engaged me.

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mother! (Cinema Review)

18 – 121mins – 2017


 

MATRIACHAL METAPHORICAL MADNESS

From the controversial Requiem for a Dream to the crucified Noah, via underappreciated The Fountain to Oscar-winner Black Swan, acclaimed filmmaker Darren Aronofsky certainly cannot be accused of ever holding back on his confrontational and surrealist visions. In his latest audience-dividing vision, striking psychological thriller mother!, he may well have crafted his boldest, bloodiest and most bonkers audio/visual art-piece to date – for better or worse!

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It (Cinema Review)

15 – 135mins – 2017


 

IT FOLLOWS

Tweaking the timeline of Stephen King’s thousand-word tome slightly, the filmmakers behind this box office-record breaking horror hit have, very shrewdly, hit upon a meta jackpot. While Derry is still the US town plagued by the eponymous clown-faced being, the decade has been shifted to the late 1980s and the frequency of its child-napping attacks reduced from 30 to every 27 years. Not only does this mean that the newly-greenlit sequel will take place in the modern day, its also a nice little nod to the fact that It first haunted audiences 27 years ago in ABC’s 1990 mini-series (reviewed HERE).

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Patti Cake$ (Cinema Review)

15 – 109mins – 2017


 

OVERW-8 MILE

Adopting a string of sick ‘n’ tight pseudonyms, plus-size twenty-something Patricia Dombrowski (Danielle Macdonald) dreams of leaving behind her debt-ridden, sad-sack New Jersey existence and making it big as a rap superstar. Can “Killa-P,” her best friend Jheri (Siddharth Dhananjay) and mysterious musical anarchist “Basterd” (Mamoudou Athie) stick it to the haterz, impress idol O-Z (Sahr Ngaujah) and make it big?

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The Hitman’s Bodyguard (Cinema Review)

15 – 118mins – 2017


TRIGGER SCRAPPY

“It’s my job to keep you out of harm’s way.”

“Shit, motherfucker, I am harm’s way!”

Hollywood heavyweights Ryan Deadpool Reynolds and Kong: Skull Island‘s Samuel L. Jackson bring buddy cop bantz to this darkly violent contemporary action comedy which feels like a very blatant attempt to channel the iconic tone of 18-rated 80s classic Lethal Weapon. But excessive injury detail and profuse bad language do not a successful film for adult audiences makes.

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Atomic Blonde (Cinema Review)

15 – 115mins – 2017


 

DECEIVE THE DECEIVER

Michael Jackson’s golden era, the Star Wars sequels, Red Dwarf‘s early years, Tetris… and me. The 1980s produced some of my all-time favourite things. Yet new spy thriller Atomic Blonde is proof that even the most nostalgic can have too much of a good thing.

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