King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (Cinema Review)

12A – 126mins – 2017 – 3D



The sword in the stone, the Lady in the Lake, the Knights of the Round Table… You think you know the legend, but certainly not told like this. Lock Stock and Snatch director Guy Ritchie brings his own, erm, ineffable and idiosyncratic style to the oft-told story of the medieval British leader whose historical biography has long been entwined with mythical embellishments, magic and Merlin.

… Keep Scuttling!

The Legend of Tarzan (Cinema Review)

12A – 108mins – 2016 – 3D



Before his imminent return to the wizarding world with November’s Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, director David Yates looks to older literary inspiration in bringing Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Victorian ape-man back to the big screen for his umpteenth reimagining.

What makes The Legend of Tarzan unique, however, is that rather than again retelling John Clayton III’s (Alexander Skarsgård) oft-told origin story, we instead join up with Lord Greystroke eight years after he has returned to England with his wife, Jane (Margot Robbie), with crucial flashbacks to his formative years in the jungle integrated into this sort-of sequel.

Christoph Waltz, who I must confess I have never warmed to as an actor, returns to his moustache-twirling devious antagonist comfort zone as Captain Léon Rom, the corrupt envoy for Belgium’s debt-ridden King Leopold II. Rom devises a sinister scheme to lure the renowned Tarzan back to Boma in the Congo jungle, capture him and delivery him to an old enemy for a bounty of diamonds to save his dire government from bankruptcy.

Waltz’s Hateful Eight co-star Samuel L. Jackson plays second fiddle to the titular shirt-shy star as sharp-shooting American envoy George Washington Williams, who accompanies Tarzan and Jane on their overseas expedition, and aids in the rescue of Jane when Rom sees the sinister opportunity to lure his prey out of hiding with some wife-shaped bait.

Sumptuously imagined in a similar CG-heavy approach to Disney’s recent The Jungle Book reboot, this vine-swinging wild ride seems to have been somewhat lost in the wilderness of blockbuster season, receiving a trough of middling reviews where John Favreau’s uncanny Mowgli remake was lauded for its technical wizardry. Sure, the occasional shot is noticeably green screened, but there is far more to make you go “ooo!” than “ergh!” here.

The pacing isn’t perfect, with the grand riverboat finale reached prematurely, despite the action bobbing along nicely up to that point, but the film’s only major misstep is in expecting us to invest in little-seen African tribal leader Chief Mbonga’s (Djimon Air Hounsou) passion for revenge against the film’s hero – despite Tarzan’s earlier murder of his son only being briefly alluded to and never visualised.

Otherwise, I see no reason to lambast screenwriters Adam Cozard and Craig Brewer for their vision, which is as bestial, exotic and adventurous as a Tarzan story can be. Sadly, I fear this Legend going the same way as Disney’s doomed adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ other shaggy-haired literary property, John Carter, which flopped for no discernible reason in 2012.

CR@B’s Claw Score: 3 stars

Air (DVD Review)

12 – 91mins – 2015


Peddled heavily on the basis that it is produced by Robert The Walking Dead Kirkman and features one of the hit zombie-dodging series’ most charismatic stars in Norman “Daryl” Reedus, sadly this sombre dystopian sci-fi bore-fest from debut director Christian Cantamessa has little else going for it.

It is not to its benefit that the set-up is so lifeless, with Reedus and his two-time Oscar nominated co-star Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond, In America) spending 95% of the film as the only characters. They play Bauer and Cartwright, engineers-cum-caretakers to the chosen few scientists and saviours of the human race; kept in cryogenic sleeping tanks until the Earth’s air has returned to a breathable level of non-toxicity, following chemical war.

With a limited cast and gloomy Alien-esque corridors and crawlspaces forming the claustrophobic underground bunker sets, I can only presume the filmmakers were channelling Duncan Jones’ Moon and aiming to achieve a tense and captivating slow-burn thriller full of deep human philosophising as two everymen are pushed to their limits and forced to question everything they have come to accept.

Noble intentions, certainly, but rather than introspective and insightful, Air just sends you into suspended animation, with Bauer and Cartwright’s straight n’ skittish double act soon fraying into barking and biting threats. Meanwhile, a perfect opportunity for an element of mystery is bumbled and thwarted with Sandrine Holt’s sudden appearances as Abby all too obviously a memory-made-flesh by Cartright’s solitude.

CR@B Verdict: 2 stars