Transformers: The Last Knight (Cinema Review)

12A – 149mins – 2017 – 3D


 

PIECE OF SCRAP

I know it’s lazy to deride Michael Bay’s bloated brigade of big ‘bot battle blockbusters, but boy is this fifth Transformers film a rotten piece of shit! I realise that isn’t a very erudite (or polite) way to kickstart a review, but I’m not editing it for two reasons: Firstly, multi-millionaire Bay, producers Paramount and Hasbro Studios won’t care what The CR@Bpendium thinks of their gallizion dollar expanded-universe franchise – people will still turn out in droves. Secondly, given the amount of bad language that litters this light-hearted adapted-from-toys summer sequel, apparently kids are down with the swearz these days, too?! So the shit stays where it is.

… Keep Scuttling!

Unlocked (Cinema Review)

15 – 98mins – 2017


 

KNOCKING OFF THE RUST

I’m no huge fan of security intelligence or counterterrorism films, but I was interested in seeing action-thriller Unlocked to witness Prometheus and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009) star Noomi Rapace take centre stage again. The original (and best) Lisbeth Salander is joined in this London-set spy game by a stellar cast including Orlando Bloom, Michael Douglas, Toni Collette and John Malkovich. Directed by former Bond-helmer, Michael Apted, surely Unlocked would be a Spooks-tacular adventure?

… Keep Scuttling!