12A – 149mins – 2017 – 3D
PIECE OF SCRAP
I know it’s lazy to deride Michael Bay’s bloated brigade of big ‘bot battle blockbusters, but boy is this fifth Transformers film a rotten piece of shit! I realise that isn’t a very erudite (or polite) way to kickstart a review, but I’m not editing it for two reasons: Firstly, multi-millionaire Bay, producers Paramount and Hasbro Studios won’t care what The CR@Bpendium thinks of their gallizion dollar expanded-universe franchise – people will still turn out in droves. Secondly, given the amount of bad language that litters this light-hearted adapted-from-toys summer sequel, apparently kids are down with the swearz these days, too?! So the shit stays where it is.
… Keep Scuttling!
12A – 121mins – 2016
SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND
A decade after he first strapped on Robert Langdon’s cherished Mickey Mouse wristwatch in the much anticipated conversion of The Da Vinci Code from page-turner to must-see movie, screen legend Tom Hanks is back for a third global race against the clock as author Dan Brown’s sensationally-popular Harvard professor, cryptographer and Indiana Jones for the 21st century.
… Keep Scuttling!
15 – 96mins – 2015
“It’s going to be a long, hard road, but slowly… I hope to gain everyone’s respect.”
Amiable Bradley Cooper dominates an impressive – but largely underused – supporting cast in this foodie drama about a 2 Michelin-starred chef who returns to the London restaurant scene after a wild sojourn in Paris which nearly ruined him as well as his career.
As “ogre in the kitchen” Adam Jones, Cooper occupies the well-worn cliché of the troubled genius (think Steve Jobs’ less than shining personality) who has made a lot of enemies and struggles to move on from the mistakes which haunt his every service – no matter how many oysters he has shucked in penance.
“I fucked it up a long time ago.”
From the very beginning I admired Adam’s determined search for perfection (“We need to be dealing in culinary orgasms.”), even if his darker edges made him less easy to associate with. However, in keeping his murky drug past at arms length, Steven Knight’s screenplay fails to endow Adam’s struggle with adequate ballast, leaving a lot of his moping and incendiary tantrums to come across as merely overly-sentimental.
That being said, his meltdown following a spicy sabotage did hit hard, and I do think that Burnt eventually succeeds in winning the audience over due to Bradley Cooper’s vulnerable portrayal of an honest and redemptive man.
Finally, as shameful as it was to waste A-listers Uma Thurman and Emma Thompson in minor roles (the former is little more than a cameo), it was a pleasant surprise to see Alicia Ex_Machina Vikander give a brief but tender performance as an unwelcome but well-meaning blast from Adam’s past.