GRAVE MATTER (Book Review)

Written by: Juno Dawson

Illustrated by: Alex T. Smith

Published in the UK in 2018 by: Barrington Stoke

Pages: 140


REOPENING THE DOOR

“That future wasn’t meant to be and I was an arrogant fool to challenge fate.”

A brief-yet-pointedly macabre horror novella spread over just 140 occasionally-illustrated yellow-hued pages, young adult author Juno Dawson’s twisted tale of first loves lost and best left lost is a quick read perfectly suited to entice reading adverse older teens and dyslexics alike.

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Maze Runner: The Death Cure (Cinema Review)

12A – 142mins – 2018


 

SHANKS AND BIG WALLS

Back up and, err, running again (if you’ll pardon the wordplay) after a hefty-but-unavoidable production delay following lead actor Dylan O’Brien’s on-set accident, The Death Cure is a scintillating and welcome conclusion to returning director Wes Ball’s trilogy of dystopian sci-fi action-adventures based on author James Dashner’s hit series of Maze Runner novels.

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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD Review)

15 – 102mins – 2017


 

WELCOME HOME

“Sometimes I feel like this has been my whole life.”

In no immediate rush to devour this Capcom-inspired blockbuster videogame spin-off, I set out to re-watch all five of the preceding chapters in the sci-fi-action-horror film series before closing out the 15-year story with this final chunk of the corpse. I got as far as the third film before my rental copy of The Final Chapter was due back, so to save myself a fine I had to skip ahead. I shouldn’t have worried, however, as Paul W.S. Anderson’s passion project opened with a lengthy comprehensive saga recap, commentated by zombie-slaughtering mainstay Alice (Milla Jovovich).

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The Mummy (Cinema Review)

15 – 110mins – 2017 – 3D


 

ANTIQUITY’S DARKEST SECRET

After Marvel and DC looted the shared universe tomb and ran away with the box office treasure, original pioneers Universal have resurrected their classic Monster movies from the 1930s in a rebooted series known collectively as the Dark Universe, of which bandage-wrapped walking corpse The Mummy – in its third studio incarnation and gallizionth on-screen appearance – is the introductory instalment.

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DOCTOR WHO, 10.5 – “Oxygen” (TV Review)

BBC One – 7:15pm – Saturday 13th May 2017

Written by: Jamie Mathieson

Directed by: Charles Palmer


 

SAVE YOUR BREATH

“Can you imagine how unbearable I’ll be when I get us out of this?”

Infuriated that his employer is reneging on his vow to stay at the university and guard the vault, an admonishing Nardole (Matt Lucas) piggybacks on the Doctor (Peter Capaldi) and Bill’s (Pearl Mackie) answering of a distress call on a space station which mines copper ore in the final frontier. On board, the trio come face-to-face with a contingent of zombie-nauts – 36 dead members of the 40-strong crew whose walking corpses are automated by their SmartSuits.

… Keep Scuttling!

Viral (Netflix Review)

15 – 85mins – 2016


 

DISASTER PREPAREDNESS

Duped into adding this to my watch list by a poster which strongly resembles the promo art for Guillermo Del Toro’s The Strain TV series, my punctured hopes were somewhat re-inflated when the opening credits revealed that this lo-fi parasitic possession horror was directed by Catfish, Paranormal Activity 3 & 4 and Nerve helming duo Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost.

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Zombeavers (DVD Review)

15 – 78mins – 2014


 

BEAVER FEVER

Much like schlocky Syfy fare such as Sharknado, Lavalantula and Megashark vs Crocosaurus, the title of co-writer/director Jordan Rubin’s film debut leaves you in no doubt as to the preposterous nonsense in store for horror-comedy fans who lodge Zombeavers in their DVD players. Sadly, even alert to the absurdities that awaited me and open to taking nothing seriously, I was still enormously dissatisfied with the moronic mutant madness which played out over a mercifully meagre runtime.

… Keep Scuttling!